The Obligatory Med Shot

Here it is folks, what approximately $3,000 will get you in fertility drugs.  This doesn't include the extra 600 mg of follistim that I didn't fill or 3 Menopurs that I didn't fill.  I feel confident that this will work and that my local pharmacy can get them to me, so I put them on hold.

I am excited, scared and nervous.  We got a call from the AttainIVF program and learned that we are approved, but must do ICSI.  So the total cost of this adventure is officially over $20,000.

I go in for ultrasound on Thursday and AF must show up between now and then. Everytime I feel like I'm about to start I'm sorely disappointed.  Then stims start on Friday.....

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First of all, let's pause to reflect the fact that I am taking NOTHING, no drugs, no pills, no shots, today.  This is truly the calm before the storm.

I got my AMH results back this afternoon.  My level was a 5, which is apparently as low as you can get and still be "normal."  I know my antral follicle count is always high, so I'm not super worried.  I just want to get this fucking show on the road.

In the next couple of days, we are on the lookout for AF.  She has to show before my baseline and before I can start shots.

The last....

Today I will take my last BCP and have my last glass(es) of wine before this cycle gets going. The last glass of wine until I am either done breastfeeding or I get AF.  I really hope its the former. 

This weekend I've found myself getting too optimistic about this cycle, thinking of things that will happen next year with a baby.  The baby would be perfectly timed for Christmas cards and cute Baby's First Christmas outfits, as well as football themed pictures.  It is dangerous to think like this, and obviously I know that this may not work, but this is a marked change for me.  I truly believe that in the next month we will either get pregnant or discover the reason why we can't.

So, let me raise a glass and toast to whatever comes next.....

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Ramblings from BCP world

I'm sitting on my couch in my cozy clothes contemplating the next month of my life.  Tomorrow I start my new job.  I need to do a ton of laundry and figure out what the F to wear this week.  Luckily its a short week, so I won't have to have perfect outfits for more than 3 days.  I'm going to go to the mall in about an hour and will pick out a new suit and some new shirts.  I'm really hoping that the first week will be easy and smooth, before jumping into what sounds like a lot of work.

Tomorrow CB goes in for his SPA (sperm penetration analysis).  This will determine whether we have to do ICSI, which means intracytoplasmic sperm injection.  With "normal" fertilization for IVF, you put the sperm with the eggs, with ICSI they put each sperm in with each egg.  With CB's numbers, there is no reason why we should have to do ICSI, but it sounds like my clinic might err on the side of ICSI.  The downside is that it costs $1,000 per cycle, or $2,000 for the shared risk program.  We won't know the results of the SPA until next week.  Part of me feels like with everything that we are doing, what is one more step, especially if it could increase our odds.  I am so scared that they will stim me and that we will end up with no embryos, so why not right?  The good news is that I am not in control and it is not my choice.  Whatever Dr C says, we will do.

Happy Sunday!

Last Day at Work

If you've been following my blog, you might have picked up on some negative feelings I have had about my job.  For over 2 years, I worked to make it work at a firm that didn't want to make things work with me.  I'm not the only one who has had this experience here, but it really hurt to fail at something.  In my previous law firm, I received accolades and constant praise and was shocked to find myself unliked and criticized on a consistent basis.   I searched high and low for the best opportunity to leave...but didn't find it.  Then, one day, when I was feeling really low I got an email from a recruiter, telling me about a great position at New Firm.

New Firm is one of the best firms in town.  A year ago, I would have told you were crazy if you told me I'd get a spot at New Firm.  I had the easiest and smoothest interview schedule and landed a spot.  I start on Monday.

My job struggles went hand in hand with my infertility.  I always told myself that once one thing got better, I'd be able to make it.  The feeling of failure leaked over to both sides, especially during the dark time that I was on Clomid.  At many points, I was willing to throw in the towel at work but didn't because I knew I needed my insurance for fertility treatments.

All that ends today.

I'm nervous about the prospect of starting a new job and doing IVF in the same month.  I don't think that anybody would say that was a "smart" idea.  But I truly believe that now this huge monkey is off my back, I am ready to tackle this challenge.  I also feel like hating my professional life was making me an imperfect vessle for my child. 

I'm nervous about failing at New Firm.   Over the next two weeks, I hope to get somewhat settled there and show enough of my face that people won't wonder where I am when I am at the doctor's office.

I survived, I found my way out and I'm excited for the change.

Sorry for the Hiatus....WE ARE DOING IVF

Man oh man these past 2 months have been crazy.  After discovering that I had gigantic cysts, I was on the BCP train for a month.  Right around the time that I was about to gear up for the next cycle, I was waiting to hear if I got a new job AND preparing to go to France.  So, in order to bring some sanity into our lives, CB and I decided to take a month off to see what the F was going to happen.  A week before we were about to leave for France, I found out a got my new job!  France was AMAZING, full of food, wine, family and fun.  More France recaps to come.

While we were in France, we decided that it was time to do IVF.  No more inject + cysts, no more 20% chance of working, no more waiting.  Doing it NOW.  Or so we thought.  I came back from France, quit my job (good Lord did that feel good) and then called the clinic to schedule IVF.  I was expecting them to call in my Lupron dose and get started right away...but no such luck.  Due to a clinic closure, the next start date they had was 12/30.  Gross.  That mean 2 months more of waiting.

In order to pass those two months, the clinic gave me my own personal scavenger hunt of fertility related tests.  During my saline sonogram and "mock transfer" (aka 30 min of playing "find Andrea's cervix") I mentioned to my doctor how badly I wanted to start before 12/30.  The next day (which was yesterday) I got a call from the clinic, informing me that there had been a cancellation and we were welcome to start now.  WE ARE DOING IVF NOW.

I just got back from my nurse consult.  Here are the deets.  I am doing an antagonist protocol and skipping Lupron.  I'm happy about that because Lupron sounds not fun.  So I'm on BCPs until 11/25.  Then I go in for my baseline to make sure everything is calm and quiet.  Then on 11/30 the crazy fun begins!!!  I'm taking Menopur in the morning (thanks for the meds Dana!) and Follistim in the evening. A crazy insane amount of Follistim.  8-10 days later, I start taking Ganirelex, which is apparently supposed to calm everything down to prepare for lift off.  36 hours after that, is the big day EGG RETRIVAL!!!  Aka the day they take my egss out.  3-5 days after that, the happiest embies go back in me, which will hopefully burrow in and start growing.  At that time I will be PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise).  About a week later, is the big pregnancy test day.  This will likely correlate with Christmas, giving rise to lots of hokey wishes on my part that ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS A BABY.

So look for much more action here in the next month.  Oh and btw, I start an amazing fucking awesome job on Monday.  THINGS ARE HAPPENING!!!!