Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Pregnant Infertile Woman - 8 weeks
I have known I'm pregnant for over a month now. This month has been terrifying and emotionally draining. I never thought that I'd be scared to miscarry. One the hardest things is to think about is what it would mean to come back from the land of being pregnant to the infertile side. I am seriously a 5% probability miscarriage away from being in that group. I am a pregnant infertile woman.
I've made it to 8 weeks. Every.single.moment.of.every.single.day is spent with me wishing that the miscarriage won't start. That I won't have to go back. That this child grows into a strong healthy human being that I can hold in my arms. That this scary infertile journey is over. That I can promise my husband that he will in fact be a father. That his dad will know that he is a grandfather and be able to take that child fishing (but not hunting - no way in hell am I allowing that). Getting through the next 5 weeks until the end of first trimester seems so daunting that it makes me want to give up.
This afternoon I had an incredibly intense bout of morning sickness. I decided that meant that at least today, I would not miscarry. Totally not medically sound, but it got me through the afternoon with only passing thoughts of losing everything. Here's to feeling shitty for the next month.
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It definitely is reasuring! Wishing you the best in the next few weeks!
ReplyDelete*hugs* I'm totally with you! It's an awful feeling that's always in the back of your mind. I hope that feeling goes away soon! <3
ReplyDeleteI've read in multiple places that morning sickness greatly decreases your chance of miscarriage. At least if you are getting sick, you know something's going right! I have yet to feel even remotely nauseous. I am right there with you on being afraid of miscarriage every. Single. Day. Hugs and prayers that we both make it through to the end and get to hold our healthy beautiful babies!!
ReplyDeleteIt is sad that as infertiles even when we get pregnant the fear doesn't leave so easily. I hope and pray your baby stays healthy and that the rest of your pregnancy goes well.
ReplyDeleteIt stays with you for a while, but it WILL go away. I can't promise it won't go away until like 20 weeks, which is when it did for me, but hang in there! As weird as it is, the morning sickness and all the other crazy symptoms are kind of a nice reminder that YES, there's a baby in there :)
ReplyDeleteI have been in your shoes and know exactly what you are talking about.
ReplyDeleteSending you a ton of hugs and prayers for the next several weeks.
Hello from ICLW. Congrats on getting to 8 weeks.
ReplyDeleteThe first trimester is so hard. Even today I worry something could happen during birth, but once we hit 24 weeks I felt a lot better.
ReplyDeleteCongrats!
ICLW #51 Ducky
Hello from ICLW. Congrats on your pregnancy, I can relate to the fear. It's hard to push through and really enjoy where you are. Good luck, hoping the first trimester goes quickly and is issue free for you!
ReplyDeleteSo excited that you are expecting. I will be following your journey! I am starting my first cycle of clomid and IUI! Blessings!
ReplyDeletehttp://thebirkelands.blogspot.com/
I'm excited for you! Crossing my fingers for you for the next month so you can hopefully not feel crazy with worry and enjoy your pregnancy!
ReplyDeleteOh honey. Feeling sick sucks but I'm with you...hopefully that is good news. I hope that you start feeling better soon and the rest of this pregnancy goes so smooth!
ReplyDeleteThat fear is grippling. I've ABSOLUTELY been there. *hugs*
ReplyDelete