Wednesday, January 30, 2013

And Just Like That...It's Over.

I had my first OB appointment today.  I talked with a really nice lady for 45 minutes about pregnancy and had a physical exam.  Then I met with my OB.  He was really excited because he knew that it had taken us a long time to get there.  We rushed over to the ultrasound room.  We were joking about how familiar I was with the dildo cam.  He put it in and I saw the baby, or what was the baby.  I looked for movement or a heartbeat but there wasn't any.  I knew it was over, even before he put his hand on my arm and said he was so sorry.  I don't think I'll ever get that image out of my head or him telling me he was so sorry.  I called Chad and got dressed.  I then waited to talk about the next steps.  I have a D&C tomorrow morning at 10:00.  Chad can't come so my father in law is going to stay with me.  The guy who I was supposed to make into a grandpa this fall.  I drove home.  I'm not sure how I did that because I was crying pretty hard.

I am devastated.
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21 comments:

  1. UnknownJanuary 30, 2013 at 4:19 PM

    This breaks my heart to read this. I am so very sorry. ((Hugs))

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  2. AmberJanuary 30, 2013 at 4:32 PM

    I'm right there with you Andy and I am so sorry that we have this experience in common. My D&C was Monday. I was also at my ultrasound appt by myself when I found out. I cried on the way home. I also know that you will persevere. It sucks, but at least now we know we can at least GET pregnant. Small comfort, but it has been at least a small comfort to me. Hugs. If you want or need to talk to someone that's going through the same thing right now, just let me know. You can email me at pantheramber@gmail.com

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  3. kristykay123January 30, 2013 at 4:37 PM

    I am so so so sorry, Andy. This breaks my heart. Big hugs and prayers your way.

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  4. Jessah @ Dreaming of DimplesJanuary 30, 2013 at 5:01 PM

    Andy...I'm crying just thinking about how disappointed and heart-broken you must feel. My heart goes out to you. I'll be praying for healing and strength during this difficult time. So sorry for your loss.

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  5. UnknownJanuary 30, 2013 at 5:40 PM

    Oh no , I'm so so sorry to hear this :(

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  6. AnonymousJanuary 30, 2013 at 5:52 PM

    First time visitor from Amber's blog. I am so sorry for your loss. Big hugs your way

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  7. AmandaJanuary 30, 2013 at 6:01 PM

    I'm so so sorry. This really makes me so sad for you. Please know that there are loads of t&ps coming you way.

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  8. wherethebleepisourstorkJanuary 30, 2013 at 6:13 PM

    My heart breaks for you! I am so sorry~

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  9. One and Done?January 30, 2013 at 7:10 PM

    Ugh, I am so sorry!

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  10. AramisJanuary 30, 2013 at 7:12 PM

    Just wanted to express my condolences. I can't imagine what you're going through. It's so very unfair.

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  11. UnknownJanuary 30, 2013 at 7:33 PM

    I'm so so sorry sissy. I know that this past year (& more) has been beyond hard for you but I cant even imagine what today felt like. This fucking sucks and its not fair. I hate it and I'm really sad and mad. Next weekend-the wine is on me.

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  12. Runnin' RedJanuary 31, 2013 at 5:40 AM

    I am so sorry you are going through this. Haven't we suffered enough from IF that we shouldn't have to deal with things like this?

    I will keep you and your husband in my thoughts.

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  13. AnonymousJanuary 31, 2013 at 5:44 AM

    I'm so sorry to hear this. Life is certainly unfair. Wishing you much strength and comfort.

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  14. Janet Off KilterJanuary 31, 2013 at 8:01 AM

    I am so so sorry. ((HUGS))

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  15. kgrinwisJanuary 31, 2013 at 8:14 AM

    Hugging and loving you. I am so sorry and agree with Zoe that it sucks big time.

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  16. JenSJanuary 31, 2013 at 8:14 AM

    I am here from Amber's blog. Just wanted to offer my condolences. I am so very sorry for your loss.

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  17. noneJanuary 31, 2013 at 10:01 AM

    Andy, I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers go out to you :( Hugs.

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  18. LifeJanuary 31, 2013 at 12:43 PM

    I'm so sorry..... hugs

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  19. AnonymousFebruary 10, 2013 at 7:59 PM

    I am so sorry. My thoughts are with you.

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  20. I Believe in MiraclesFebruary 12, 2013 at 6:03 AM

    Here from LFCA. I'm so sorry for your loss.

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  21. RisaFebruary 15, 2013 at 12:27 PM

    I found your blog through LFAC. I am so so sorry you had to go through this and go through it alone. My heart goes out to you <3

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